Sister Wives

In case you aren’t familiar, TLC broadcasts a show about a polygamist family featuring one husband with FOUR wives and a shitload of children. I’ve seen several clips, read several articles about them, and I am hounded with their commercials whilst I’m trying to enjoy quality normal people television like Say Yes to the Dress, but I’ll fully disclose that I don’t think I’ve ever seen a full episode. If you don’t think that means I have the authority to write a rant about them…I don’t care.

Problem #1 - HIM?

Still rocking a Farrah 'do, in 2011? Way to stay strong, buddy.

As Arrested Development once said…he must be funny or something, right? Great personality? (Note: From the clips I have seen, he is neither.) I’m against polygamy as an institution, which I’ll discuss more further down, but I have to admit that if Brad Pitt suddenly showed up with a harem of wives starring Angelina Jolie as their squad leader, I’d maybe grudgingly understand the ladies’ point of view. I mean, it’s Brad Pitt. So he’s got a few extra women in the house…nobody’s perfect.

But THIS GUY? First of all, he comes off as a total fucking douche bag. He’s an egomaniac (you’d have to be, right?), whiny, annoying, and all around just an overgrown man child. And. Butt. Ass. Ugly. If you’re signing away your equality as a woman and consenting to split a man with three other women, at least have the decency to pick a guy who looks like Henry Cavill or something.

What? Other wives? Why...sure...whatever you say Henry...

Problem #2 - Inequality - Not Just About the Gays

I’d be a little more inclined to accept polygamy if the door swung both ways. If not only could men marry a truckload of ladies, but women were free to collect several husbands as well. However, this practice is OBVIOUSLY forbidden in their offshoot of Mormon religion. Kody himself admitted it would “make him sick” if his wife had another husband lurking around. RED FLAG, LADY? Come on! You’re forced to be okay with him collecting wives like baseball cards, but if you even suggest the same for yourself, your religion would kick your ass to the curb. Where’s the equality there? The partnership of marriage?

Lots of religions are completely slanted towards men as the power holders (I don’t know much about Wiccan, but it seems like they’re all about the Lady Power. Willow doesn‘t seem like she would‘ve taken shit from a man), but condoning and encouraging a man to take multiple wives is such a blatant expression of male dominance. They skirt around the legality issue by calling the last 3 wives his “spiritual wives” or some shit like that, but to me that’s an even more dangerous thought - what kind of protection do those women have financially and legally? I guess he’d be forced to take care of the children if something were to happen to the marriage, but here’s a tip - you only get alimony if you have a piece of paper that says the state recognizes you two are married, sweetheart.

Much like the wacky sister wives comedy Le Divorce, starring Naomi Watts and Kate Hudson as sister wives battling it out for the child support of their mutual husband! No, I didn't see it, why do you ask?

Lots of people (including the sister wives themselves) insist they know what they’re getting into, they want this life, and they consented happily to everything. Here’s the problem with that: most of them were raised in families and in a patriarchal religion that taught this was okay. They have been fundamentally corrupted by growing up in a world where women are by definition less important than men. The sexism is so built into their religion that I fear they don’t know enough to question its oppressive nature. Just because you think it’s okay doesn’t mean it actually is. Lots of young women forced into prostitution think it’s okay because their pimp “loves” them and treats them nicely. It’s still abuse. Yeah, I know it’s an extreme comparison and that Kody isn’t slapping them around or anything, but there’s an inherent emotional power he holds over them that I find very comparable.

Problem #3 - I Believe the Children are Our Future

And this family is NOT teaching them well and letting them lead the way. They’re actually just teaching them that all of #2 is okay and expected for when they themselves grow up. Little girls, throw out your self respect now, cause one day you’ll grow up to be one QUARTER of a marriage as well!

Also, how much time can one father give to the classroom-size family he has? I’m guessing he hits up the Duggars for tips, but considering the sister wives don’t even all live in the same house, I don’t really see how he can be a present father for ANY of them.

Problem #4 - People Judge Us and Treat Us Unfairly Now!

BECAUSE YOUR ASS SIGNED UP FOR A TELEVISION SHOW THAT BROADCASTS YOUR ILLEGAL LIFESTYLE.

Why are you surprised that people are against the way you’re living? It’s so frowned upon that not even regular Mormons (haha oxymoron) condone it. It’s illegal in every single state. As I referenced above, I know that three of them are only his “spiritual wives” or whatever, but they’ve made it clear on national television that they consider themselves one big happy family. So what made you think it was a good idea to say, “Hey, let’s make a TV show about what we’re doing!”

I think the one on the left is secretly trying to strangle that brunette, but she just can't reach.

They’ve compared it to how people think homosexuality is wrong, and in many states it’s illegal. To that I say - BULLSHIT SHENANIGANS. Homosexuality is still illegal in many states because of bigotry, fear and hatred. Polygamy is illegal in every state because it’s sexist, harmful, oppressive and stupid. It does way more to diminish the “sanctity of marriage” than two dudes getting married ever could.

Problem #5 - No, Really, HIM!?