I don't really like Monty Python.
I know. Sorry guys. But you do all have really good judgey faces.
But note that I didn't name this one "Is there anything worse than....Monty Python." Because there are TONS of things worse than Monty Python. Things you could find by just scrolling down, actually. I don't think it's AWFUL, it's just not my thing. But some people have a major fucking problem with that. So I submit for approval to the midnight society: a conversation with a crazy Monty Python fan, and within it, proof of why they are the worst thing ever.
Me: Yeah, I don't know, I just don't think it's my thing.
Monty Python Fan (MPF): What do you mean it's not your thing?
Me: I just think it's kind of...I don't know. I don't really laugh a lot when I watch their stuff.
MPF: You probably just don't get it. It's okay.
Me: No...I get it....I mean I intellectually understand why others find it funny. I just don't.
MPF: But you might not just get British humor. Or should I say, humOUR!
Me: Umm...you should NOT say that.
MPF: But it is a British thing. It's okay. Some people just don't get the sense of humor the Brits have.
Me: Once again - I GET IT. I understand why you think it's funny. I just do not. It's not my type of humor.
MPF: Hmmm. OH, I know what must be wrong. Have you seen Life of Brian?
MPF: You have?
MPF: And you still don't think it's funny.
Me: No, not really.
MPF: What about the part where he's like, talking to the crowd, telling them to be individuals and follow their own ideas, and then they all like respond in unison?
Me: What about it?
MPF: That was so funny. See, because he's TELLING them to be individual, and then they respond as--
Me: No, I got it.
MPF: But you didn't like it?
Me: I mean, not really.
MPF: Hm. Oh! Oh oh oh. I got it. Here we go. I found the problem. You haven't seen The Holy Grail! Once you see that, you'll change your----
Me: No, I've seen it.
MPF: You've seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail?
MPF: What the hell could you POSSIBLY dislike about that movie? It's fucking genius.
Me: I'll thank you to watch your language around me. I didn't hate it or anything. I just didn't find it as hysterical as a lot of people do. I even saw Spamalot on Broadway and thought that was pretty lame too.
MPF: How could you not find it funny! Did you see the part where he's like, "I fart in your general direction!"
MPF: And that was hysterical, right?
Me: I dunno. I don't think announcing farts is that funny in general.
MPF: Okay okay, so you don't like fart jokes. What about when the guy is like "She turned me into a Newt!" "A newt?!" "I got bettah!" Or when he's like pretending to ride the horse and the other guy is making the horse noises!
Me: Yup. Saw that part too.
MPF: So that's like the best part.
Me: Is it? That's pretty sad.
MPF: Listen, you fucking idiot. How can you not like it? It's so hilarious!
Me: You don't have to get angry. Like I said, it's just not my thing. I respect if others like it.
MPF: Okay, okay. You're not a fan of the movies. But surely you love Flying Circus!
MPF: No. Don't say it.
Me: I'm sorry.
MPF: You don't like Flying Circus?
Me: To be fair, I haven't seen as much of it as the other stuff. But what I've seen...I mean...I dunno. Men dress up as women. Ha ha. English men dress up as French men. Ha ha. It's....just kind of simple to me.
MPF: You just don't get all the British society jokes they're making.
Me: I think I catch most of it.
MPF: No you don't. You fucking American.
Me: Aren't you American?
MPF: Yes, but I have very British sensibilities.
MPF: YOU THINK YOU'RE SO FUCKING SMART DON'T YOU??
Me: I don't think it's a matter of intelligence.
MPF: YEAH you do. You think you're fucking better than all the Monty Python fans, with your intellectual humor, but really, YOU'RE the idiot! You don't RESPECT what they did for the world of comedy!!!
Me: Sure I do. I just don't really think it's that funny, personally. I like some of the stuff the guys have done outside of Monty Python, if that helps.
MPF: Psh, yeah? Like WHAT.
Me: I like A Fish Called Wanda. And..um...Casper. Shrek?
MPF: Fuck you you fucking jerk. The only explanation is that you don't have a sense of humor. That must be it.
Me: Sure I do. I find lots of things funny.
MPF: Oh yeah? Like what? Fucking stupid shit, I bet. I bet you fucking like Dane Cook.
Me: Um, well, I like shows like Parks and Recreation and 30 Rock. And Community. And Louie?
MPF: Fuckin' snob, is what you are.
Me: I mean yeah, I guess I do think their jokes are less "obvious" than Monty Python, if you want to put it that way.
MPF: The fuck is that supposed to mean?
Me: I just don't know if you have to think that much to get a Monty Python joke. A guy makes a weird face, people fart. And like, ugly peasant people shouting things at an oblivious king. Or something. I don't know, it's just kind of broad. And that's fine for some people, I just don't like it that much.
MPF: Fuck you.