Saturday, January 14, 2012

Being Sick

Okay, I know this one is a no-brainer. Nobody likes being under the weather. But I'm not going for the obvious here - no, "It hurts," or "I don't like co
ughing." Nay, my beef with illness goes much without further ado, here are the worst things about being sick.

Even clip art gets sick sometimes too.

1) The Internet
I yearn for the days of being sick before the internet. When your mom would say, "It's just a bad cold," and you knew it was no big deal. Now there's the world wide web, complete with plenty of helpful websites where you can type in symptoms and they'll let you know what you have! The problem is, no matter what your symptoms, there is only one thing you have according to the internet: cancer. Oh wait I'm sorry, if you're a woman, there's two things: a baby. Or cancer. Or baby cancer.

2) Nasty Red/Peeling Nose
This is exclusive to illnesses that include a runny nose, but after 2-3 days of using a tissue every 30 seconds, things tend to get nasty up in there. Your skin is finally like, "Godamn, enough!" and starts to flake off in pieces. There's nothing cuter than peeling a little strip of dead skin from your nostril area. It brings all boys to the yard.

3) Other People Being Concerned Only About Themselves Getting Sick
"Ooh, don't get near me, I'm going on vacation next week!" "Yikes, I better go Purell!" People love to tell you how terrible it would be if they were afflicted to what you are suffering with at that moment. Seriously, you become a leper mere moments after the first few sniffles or sneezes. Like I wanted to get sick, lady? Like this was how I was looking forward to spending my week? Come on.

4) Helplessness
If you live alone and you get sick, you're completely and totally screwed. There's no one to run out and get you meds, make you soup, fetch you have to schlep your sick ass out and do it all yourself. You have to drag yourself away from whatever awesome TV marathon you're powering through (one of the few bonuses of being sick), peel off your dirty sweats to put on real clothes (jk, I have no shame about hitting up the drugstore in semi-homeless garb), and head out to handle all of your own errands. It blooows. Take my advice - live with someone. Get married or something. Whatever it takes to avoid this.

I'll add more pictures when I'm on a normal computer...I'll say it: I hate Macs.

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