The monthly visitor. Aunt Flo. Ladytimes. So many names for that special time every 28 days. For all you men out there reading this (just my Dad, really), I promise I'm not going to get graphic or gross. We won't get into the gory details. We will merely be exploring the ridiculousness of tampon commercials, aimed towards tricking women into two things: 1) Your period can be soooo fun if you only have the right tampon! 2) Tampons are like soooo embarrassing, right?!
Lie #1: Periods can be delightful with the right equipment!
What's that? You don't twirl in utter delight during your fun ladytimes? That's weird! You're missin out sister, because with Playtex you could be twirling with fresh confidence. There are several variations on this theme - how easy and fun it is to work out or go swimming if you pick the right tampon! Here's the main problem: periods suck and are fucking never fun. It's as simple as that. Sure, some women suffer more than others with cramps, bloating, general pain and heaviness, but the bottom line is nobody's giggling in giddy anticipation as you near your monthly date. And aint nobody TWIRLING in happiness when the time comes. If I saw someone this happy while they had their period, I'd smack them (especially if I had mine too).
Lie #2: Tampons should be hidden and if they must be pulled out in public, they better look like they could pass for something else!
Please don't bother watching that whole thing because it's oddly long, but the gist is that this bubbly teenager, whose friend is filming her for some strange reason, has finally found a tiny tampon that fits anywhere so she can discreetly bring it along! Whew! Wasn't it convenient that her friend caught this information on video for us?
This pisses me off because it supports the idea that periods are gross and embarrassing and GOD FORBID MEN KNOW THAT WE HAVE IT. THEY MIGHT DIE. Well here's a spoiler alert for you gents: if you're hanging out with a lady above the age of 13, below the age of 50ish, isn't pregnant or doesn't have some other medical condition that prevents her from menstruation....there is a 25% chance she has her period right now. What's that? I JUST BLEW YOUR MIND???
As far as I know, women have been having periods since the beginning of our existence. Why the hell are we still embarrassed when it happens? Get over it. Take your tampon to the bathroom with pride. Who the F cares whether or not your friends know? If they seriously get grossed out, tell them to grow up, and move on with your life. After all, you've got some twirling to do.